The lie and the truth.

[Zail]

Alright guys.

Some of you might have noticed, how not long ago I simple 'vanished' from the administrator team and the servers.
The answer is simple; I couldn't stand "Catalyst gaming."
At least, that was what my brain told me, but that wasn't the exact reason. The reason I left, was because of one big lie, which I couldn't stand anylonger.
In these last two years I've been in CG, everyone have known me as "Lola the CG girl". A few now knows the truth about who I am.
I couldn't stand that lie anymore so I decided to quit and get out as it have caused me more problems than I could of imagined.

The truth is, I'm a simple boy, simple minded and whatnot. No, I'm not gay if you're believing that.

Spoiler for Hiden:

That is the real me. My name is Kenni and I'm 16 years old. Big surprise.
One of the big questions I know is coming, would probably be;

"Why did you lie about being a girl?"
Well, in the stat it actually started out for fun. It wasn't meant to be a long standing lie, which it ended up with. In the start, where I wasn't that known to CG, some people asked about my gender when they saw my female unit walk around. Just to have fun, I said I was a girl. Before I even knew, this lie had spread all over the HL2RP community and I was now known as a girl.
At that time being, I would have told the truth about myself so get out of it again, if not what happened a bit later.
Kronic confronted me and asked if I'd like admin. Eager to get the chance to help people on the server, I said yes but were too afraid to say I was a boy, believing I could loose the position once more.
Due to being afraid and ashamed I couldn't stand telling the lie to anyone after that so I kept the lie going till the moment I quitted.


I admit, a few knew about the truth about me, before I left CG. I wont say their names, but if they feel like it they can tell it themselfs.

CG have given me a hard times, sometimes but who doesn't? A few months before I left CG I broke down. I couldn't stand the lie anymore so I talked to one of the very few persons who I trusted the most. I told him the lie, told him I was going to quit and get out, yet he convinced me to stay. So I stayed a few months more, before I once more broke down and quitted CG without warning.

I convinced myself about, the CG community wasn't my place anymore. I told myself, I couldn't stand all the drama, yet that wasn't the truth. Now, after finally telling the truth, I feel a bit better yet it doesn't cover up my actions the past 2 years.
If I'm not wrong, it wouldn't surprise me if someone is going to flame / rage / get mad at me for this lie, which I honestly doesn't care about.
I might not be trusted that much anymore, which I do understand and I fully support if anyone doesn't.

Yet, I've tried to continue my life outside CG, playing a few games here and there. It was horrible boring and I miss the times I've had on CG, which have made me return and tell the truth. I'll start playing again on the servers, possible as my 'dangerous enviroment' characters on HL2RP, seeing my CCA units have been banned.

If anyone do have any questions, I'll gladly answer to all of them, either over PM or steam. As long as it isn't flame, rage, troll or spam.

That would be all from me and I'll just stay in the back from now on.

[raged]

i knew the truth all along

[Khub]

i was told about this in the end as well

[raged]

i was told about this in the end as well

wow ur just trying to be cool mate i doxed him months ago

[M.F.R.Thing]

I'm glad you told the truth challenge. Not many people would confront it, given they have as many connections as you did. And for that, i admire your courage.
I hope to still play and talk with you, although you left a small crack in mine, and many other's hearts. Goodbye for now, friend, and may we speak another day.

[Dallas]

Not going to say I was too surprised to find out when you left. Rather dissapointed that you would lie to us this whole time. I don't understand your motives in doing it either. The thought you would keep this going for two years is depressing, it probably ended up doing far more harm to you than anything. A lot of people will refuse to forgive you after they read this because I nor anyone else don't like to be deceived.

But w/e, it doesn't matter me as I quite frankly don't give a shit what gender people are over the internet.

[Statua]

Meh. I really don't give a rip if you were a girl or a guy. Seeing skyler RP, it really doesn't make a lick of difference when it comes down to it. I noticed you lacked the feminine personality when talking to you in steam but it really didn't bother me. I've been there, sort of. I faked being 21 for the longest time due to my low voice lol. It was funny till I grew up and realized there was no point in doing it.

I'm more pissed you left CG. You were an excellent asset to us, despite what junk you got in your trunk.

[Zail]

I'm glad you told the truth challenge. Not many people would confront it, given they have as many connections as you did. And for that, i admire your courage.
I hope to still play and talk with you, although you left a small crack in mine, and many other's hearts. Goodbye for now, friend, and may we speak another day.

Courage and courage. Courage would have been, if I stood out and told it earlier, when I was still in the position and never left CG to hide in the shadows. (In my opinion at least.)

Not going to say I was too surprised to find out when you left. Rather dissapointed that you would lie to us this whole time. I don't understand your motives in doing it either. The thought you would keep this going for two years is depressing, it probably ended up doing far more harm to you than anything. A lot of people will refuse to forgive you after they read this because I nor anyone else don't like to be deceived.

But w/e, it doesn't matter me as I quite frankly don't give a shit what gender people are over the internet.

I didn't really have any motive in the start. It was just a joke, when I was barely known, which ended up in being what I've hated myself for the last 2 years. I understand why people won't trust me anymore, hence I'll be staying in the background.

Meh. I really don't give a rip if you were a girl or a guy. Seeing skyler RP, it really doesn't make a lick of difference when it comes down to it. I noticed you lacked the feminine personality when talking to you in steam but it really didn't bother me. I've been there, sort of. I faked being 21 for the longest time due to my low voice lol. It was funny till I grew up and realized there was no point in doing it.

I'm more pissed you left CG. You were an excellent asset to us, despite what junk you got in your trunk.

You're great guy Statua and I'm sorry that I pissed you off. It never was intended but I can't say, I didn't see it coming.
I can't do much else than say sorry and keep up the good work.

Am I the only one who wants to know who the chick was that you posted pictures of in the "post pictures of yourself" thread?

Polish girl I know and I've known for good 4 years or something, yet I barely have contact to her. Met her during a school project.

[Frolie [Jellykid]]

While it was admittedly a little deceptive to fool people, in retrospect, I don't think many of the frequenters care too much. You've got a lot of neato characters, and it'd be a shame to lose you here at Catalyst.

[turhral=S=C=]

While it was admittedly a little deceptive to fool people, in retrospect, I don't think many of the frequenters care too much. You've got a lot of neato characters, and it'd be a shame to lose you here at Catalyst.

This.

Although you did had a lie over all these years (months in my case), you are still a great player, and it will be very sad if you do leave.

[putin]

This is not a huge deal. Challenge being female or male still helped a lot of people out and was a great administrator. Challenge doesn't owe an apology to any of you.

[Nicknero]

I still wonder why some people do lie about this.
Sure, most people do it for attention. But you didn't seem like that kind of person that went out to get attention. That's why you were so convincing I guess.

Oh well, it's good that you made the choice to step up with the truth to everyone eventually. And I find it rather impressive that you could keep up with it for so long.

Nothing much changed whether you are a boy or a girl. Though it may seem so for yourself.
Regardless, good luck with whatever crosses your path, and may we see or not see you on the servers again?

[rBST Cow]

So who was that girl that you posted in the "post pictures of yourself" thread?

[Zail]

While it was admittedly a little deceptive to fool people, in retrospect, I don't think many of the frequenters care too much. You've got a lot of neato characters, and it'd be a shame to lose you here at Catalyst.

We'll see about that. Possible will stay, but just in the background with no overpowered characters.

While it was admittedly a little deceptive to fool people, in retrospect, I don't think many of the frequenters care too much. You've got a lot of neato characters, and it'd be a shame to lose you here at Catalyst.

This.

Although you did had a lie over all these years (months in my case), you are still a great player, and it will be very sad if you do leave.

Thank you, nice to know.

This is not a huge deal. Challenge being female or male still helped a lot of people out and was a great administrator. Challenge doesn't owe an apology to any of you.

In my opinion I do. Maybe I helped a lot of people, but that isn't equal to what I did.

I still wonder why some people do lie about this.
Sure, most people do it for attention. But you didn't seem like that kind of person that went out to get attention. That's why you were so convincing I guess.

Oh well, it's good that you made the choice to step up with the truth to everyone eventually. And I find it rather impressive that you could keep up with it for so long.

Nothing much changed whether you are a boy or a girl. Though it may seem so for yourself.
Regardless, good luck with whatever crosses your path, and may we see or not see you on the servers again?

I never sought attention, since I didn't see anything I could gain from it. I've never tried to use people for my own gain and I've always told them not to give me anything.

Thank you Nick.

So who was that girl that you posted in the "post pictures of yourself" thread?

If you cared to read one of my answer higher stated above, you might have been able to notice Cow.

[The Mysterious Stranger]

 I wonder if that girl in the screenshot found out about you posting her.

 Also, I don't care about gender over the internet as long as you are a good person. Your good on my list.