<:||OFC.158 Private Logs||:>

[GamingZealot]

Isolating file......
Moving to offline data storage......
Saving Files......
Beginning audio log......

   This is my first log ever as I have never seen fit to keep a record of my actions. However, something occurred recently that I feel must be recorded from my point of view. Because some of the things I wish to say on the matter I was forced to hide this file and encrypt it so that no one will hear what I have to say until I am either gone or have moved past such things. I feel the need to record what has happened somewhere, else I be consumed by the feelings of guilt that have been haunting me. I will begin at what started it.
    
   Two days ago, I came out of stasis and began my normal duties as usual, making sure everything was running smoothly with the CCA. There was a meeting in the Nexus with EPU.435 and the UNION high command, but I saw no need to interrupt as I believed it was well under control. Shortly after I noticed the meeting, a biosignal was lost in the HCMR. Naturally I radioed in what caused it and immediately ran down to the HCMR. When I arrived I found EPU.435 dead on the ground at DvL.252's feet, surrounded by OFC.713, OFC.522, and DvL.313. I was speechless as I stared at the corpse of my constant comrade, a man I thought would always be by my side to help the Union. I stood by DvL.313's side, hoping for some sign explanation of why this had happened, but all he gave was to tell DvL.252 to inform him before killing his units. After he left, it was all I could do to pay my respects to my fallen ally and then leave. I was struck by grief and immediately went back into stasis to try and forget what had happened, if only for a short while. When I came back out of stasis, I was faced with a bigger problem. How was I going to tell 01.935 what had happened?
   
   I composed myself and called 935 down to the HCMR where I awaited him. When he arrived, we went through the normal etiquette procedures, and then we got down to the important part. As I was about to tell him what had happened, the memories of the event came rushing back and I could barely squeeze out the words “435 has been amputated.” It was immediate, I could see it. 435 and I were close comrades, friends even, but he and 01.935 were brothers. The words struck him like a physical blow and he became absent for a minute. His first words were those of loss and mourning of an extreme level. However, quickly those emotions turned into rage as he required someone to blame for this loss. He grabbed my Kevlar and shouted at me in his senseless rage, blaming me for the loss of 435. He continued about how I should have done something to stop it from happening. As he went on, every word struck like a physical blow. The only remaining person I can call a friend accusing me of causing the death of another of my closest comrades. The worst part was some of me agreed with his words, asked the other parts why I hadn’t at least tried to save 435. I felt like a coward, but the situation had to be dealt with. I gently pried 935’s accusing hands off of me and tried to calm him down. He would not be calmed and simply took a step back and glared at me. Before I could say anything else, OFC.713 walked in and said he needed the HCMR. I gave it to him so as not to arouse and suspicion in him, and we headed down to the spare room.

   Once we reached the spare room, we continued our conversation. 935 still refused to be consoled, and in anger, accused me of caring about my life over anything else and being too cowardly to save 435. In his rage, he tried to storm out. I knew if I let him leave it at that, I would have lost more than one friend in such a short time. I called to him to wait and then grabbed him by the shoulder. Rather than the intended effect of getting him to wait till I could calm him, his anger finally broke over the top. He turned and threw a punch at me with his opposite arm. In pure reflex, I brought up my arm to grab his and stop the punch. Unfortunately I am still not used to my new arms and I heard the worse sound up to that point in my life, the sound of 935’s wrist breaking. I released him in horror and he stepped back clutching his wrist. I couldn’t believe what I had done to my ally. I approached him to help, but he backed off in fear. When he backed against a wall I thought he would have to let me approach, but like a cornered animal, he broke and charged me. My reflexes kicked in again and I threw a hard punch right at his face. The force of it connecting shattered his facemask and knocked him out cold. As the shards flew out, blood spewed from his face as they cut him, obscuring my view. I sank to my knees unable to comprehend what I had done. When had I become this person who could casually level and cause so much damage to the one he considered his closest friend. I am a monster. I quickly realized; however, that these thoughts did nothing for 935 who was laying unconscious and hesitated a moment longer, and then I scooped him up and carried him to the med bay.  I called up EPU.509 and he treated 935 as I waved aside any questions about how he got in the state he was in and waited for the diagnosis.

   I had no idea how I was going to treat this. As I was pondering, 509 finished and I was informed what would happen. He had lost his left eye in from a fragment, but his arm would likely heal or only have minor complications. I went in to see him immediately. At first he was too disoriented to even know where he was, but as soon as he got his bearings, I was thrown a ray of hope. He didn’t remember what had happened that had put him in this state, not even that 435 was dead. I was overcome with relief at this and told him some story about how a door had malfunctioned and fallen upon him, breaking his arm as he tried to shelf himself and then shattering his helmet. I quickly excused myself from his presence as I was being called by 713. He had construed another event that could have been conceivably contrived just to brighten my day. He and I gave 435 a 21 gun salute from the rooftop. It was highly irregular and would probably get us in trouble had anyone witnessed it, but have never known a unit so deserving of such an honor. After that, I realized I still had one more loose end to clean up. I went down into the MOC and accessed the video recording files.  Pulled up the file of the time that I beat up 935 and did some editing. I looped the video footage of us talking to cover the entire section, and then corrupted a file at the end so that it looked as if there was a short glitch in the camera. It was the best I could do but if anyone happened to watch that footage it would allay suspicion from my actions. I then left feeling secure in my work and went about completing my daily tasks. The next day it was time for me to promote 935 and 01.147 to EPU since they had passed their tests. This was sort of weird considering 935’s recent actions, but it was my duty and I forgave 935. I had already re-stated to him that 435 had died, but I was more cautious and he took it with only grief instead of anger. Before I promoted 935, I went to the armory for his armband. I was choked up when I went into the EPU supplies and saw the uniform that had used to contain 435. Suddenly inspired in a way to make up to 935 what had happened, I grabbed the armband of 435 and went to the HCMR where I called 935. He entered and I quickly informed him he had been selected to be promoted. If he was happy to hear that news, it was doubled when I tossed him his new armband and told him whose it was. I have done all I can to make sure that 435 is remembered how he should be and to protect 935. I have made this file to relieve some of my guilt, and maybe someday I will give it to 935 so he can know what really happened.  For now I am done, and I’m not sure if I will continue at a later date.


Saving…..
Saving……
File encrypting…...

LOCKED

[TheKrusader]

// Yeah.. bad move on 935's part. Atleast now he doesn't remember that he's an idiot

[SoapANator]

..// you mentioned me in this post, but only briefly. Anyway... Good logs do moooore

[BltElite]

If you do more logs like this, excellent.
Either way, what you've done so far is fucking amazing. Gj

[GamingZealot]

Thank you for the nice comments. I'm not sure if I'll be making this a common thing but I'll definatly do more if something interesting happens.

[Lord Bravery]

// I had such a massive sad reading this
and then I read your sig
and laughed through the tears

[GamingZealot]

File is encrypted, enter code…..
*******************
Code accepted, file unlocked…..
New audio log started…..
      
   So, due to recent events I have decided to make a new log entry. I have been thinking more about the death of 435. The way I see it is he died because of an action that was forced out of him by High Command being cold and incredibly harsh in treatment of him. His original mistake was relatively minor, but for some reason he felt that he was in a situation desperate enough for him to resort to drastic action. Upon further reflection of the way High Command treats lower ranks and how the lower ranks act in return, I have determined that units see High Command units as something to be feared more often than not and while that is good in some situations, it greatly hinders us in others. From this, I have decided that I will attempt to portray a personality more akin to a caring yet strict father than the distant authoritarian. After I had decided upon this, I experienced my first test of my new goal.
   When I was on my lunch break two days ago, I saw a 04.882 looking down at the table while sitting alone. Believing something to be wrong with him, I sat across from him and inquired about his perceived depression, and he at first seemed hesitant. At his obvious hesitation I removed my mask and clasped my hands on the table and leaned in, hoping my body language seemed non-threatening. He was still cautious so I decided to do something very out of character for a OFC. I made a joke and then laughed, doing my best to doing my best to sound honestly joyful, although I’m not sure how well I did it since it’s been a long time since I’ve shown such emotion. After that he seemed to relax a bit and then started telling me about his problem. Apparently some disrespectful citizen spat on him as he was patrolling. After this he took him in and detained him. He was furious apparently and wanted the man majorly re-educated, which unit 570 provided. He didn’t tell me details, but the citizen was dealt with, so all should have been well. Unfortunately, 882 were feeling bad about his vindictiveness in the matter, which is what had led to our conversation. After he finished, I was quick to reassure him that such feelings were natural, both the guilt and the anger, so there was nothing to be ashamed of. After a small “pep-talk” as I believe it is called, I left him cleaning his mask, satisfied that I had done well in playing my new part. Sadly, this log cannot end on a good note, as my next attempt did not go so well.
   Yesterday, as I was eating my supplements, EPU.935 walked into the lobby and sat down. The strange thing was that he walked in with his head hung and rather than sit with me, went to sit alone with his back to me. This raised my curiosity and I went over and sat across from him. He looked at me briefly then went back to looking down at the table. The quick sight of his artificial eye sent a quick twinge of pain at the memory of our fight, if only that was the end of those memories. As I sat down I asked him what was wrong. He told me, and suddenly a cold hand grasped my chest. He told me he had been having a re-occurring stasis nightmare about me breaking his wrist and then shattering his mask, which he had yet to realize, was actually a memory. He then asked if I was sure a door had crushed him. I hesitated a moment as I got over my shock and assured him that had been what happened. After that, he told me that he had talked to a GRID unit and that unit had said a door couldn’t malfunction that violently. For a moment I was wordless as I tried to construct an explanation, but I realized changing my story would only raise more suspicion so I simply said that the unit must have been mistaken. He was skeptical, so I asked him if he could provide any other explanation, especially considering no unit would harm him like that. For a moment I smiled to myself as he agreed, then he added on that a unit would need incredible strength, such as what artificial limbs would grant. I instinctively pulled my artificial arms away and put them under the table, but the movement caught his eyes, and then they widened in horror. He reached for his mask slowly and started standing and backing away. For a moment guilt overcame me as I saw how horrified he was of me and remembered what had happened. As he backed, all that guilt suddenly turned to anger as 935 looked at me like I was a monster. Suddenly, a red haze fell over my vision and I couldn’t see anything but 935’s face, that DAMN expression that haunts me in all my DAMN waking hours, that-suddenly it goes silent except for gasps as 158 calms down- Where was I? Oh yes, anger took control and I couldn’t stop myself. I threw the table out of the way and into the wall and advanced on 935. He scrabbled backwards as I advanced in blind panic. When he reached the second table he fell to the floor, shielding himself with his arms. Right before I could…could do any harm to 935, he cried out at me, asking me what I was doing and how he was supposed to believe that I was innocent when I behaved like this. Suddenly, I jolted out of it and fell to my knees, burned out by my rage. I couldn’t shout or yell, I just tried to plea with him for understanding of my actions, for forgiveness. Before we could go much further, he collapsed out of fear, exhaustion, or grief, I don’t know what. With a stinging sense of De Ja Vu, I carried 935 to the med-bay.
   01.584 took care of 935 once we got there, woke him up, gave him a checkout, and gave him a serum to increase his strength. He had memory loss again, probably temporary from stress. He was quickly able to leave and resume normal duties. After I was sure he was okay, I retrieved my mask and put it on, and then I replaced the table in its original position. Once again, I found myself going into the camera database. This time it was easier since no one knew we were there so all I had to do was loop footage of an empty lobby. Leaving, I decided I would never have to do that again. Gathering my resolve, I grabbed the vial of the serum we use in mind wipes and then put it in my duty belt. I then grabbed 935 and took him to an isolated area. I then gave him the vial and told him to drink it. After a hesitation, he drank the vial. Suddenly, as he started to lose conscious, he simply asked “Why?” and reached out for me, then barely brushed my shoulder as he fell to the floor. As he fell I answered him right before he lost conscious “It’s for your own good.” It was for everyone’s good.
 

Saving…..
Saving……
File encrypting…...

LOCKED

[Lord Bravery]

// Casually squeals because I was mentioned
Then has another sad because it didn't work as well on 935 as it did on me

[TheKrusader]

// Yeah.

[Sexy Frog]

// I was like :O the entire time I was reading about 935

[TheKrusader]

// Yeah, I was like While it was happening.

[SoapANator]

// this isn't why didn't allow me to come up..

[GamingZealot]

File is encrypted, enter code…..
*******************
Code accepted, file unlocked…..
New audio log started…..
      
   Recent events have provoked me to make another log. Its not really much just that I kind of want to leave a record, not that anything really needs recorded its all above board and all but…-158 lets out a sigh and a thump is heard as he sits hard on the ground-…I’ll just start from the beginning. I came online after an unexplainable long stasis, maybe I’ll speak to GRID about that. Anyways, before I could go out on patrol I had to grab some supplements as my stasis had left me a bit short on sustenance. I sat down to start eating when one of my oh-ones, 359 I believe, sat down across from me. We began to talk and he told me about new developments with the Imperials. He had to explain some of the finer points since I had not heard of the new developments in my stasis. Before I could start eating NOVA-01.164 approached me and said he had to speak with me. I wanted to eat first, but he said it was urgent so I said my farewell to 359 and followed him up to the med bay.
   When we got to the med bay 164 revealed his problem. He had concerns for APEX-01.221; apparently she was being compassionate towards the citizens she treated.  At first I thought just to dismiss it, many units prefer to interrogate in ways other than torture, often using such empathy to trick the citizens into revealing information, but this was different. He played me audio recordings of her and her compassion seemed deeper seated than just a method for obtaining information. This is to be expected at lower ranks, but I expect a level of professionalism from a unit as high as an oh-one. I decided to talk to her personally on the subject and decide what to do from there. I called her to the treatment room as it was not in use and I had the feeling I would need it. When I got to interrogation she was in there so I gave her the chance to explain. I told her what I had heard and asked for an explanation. She confirmed for me what 164 had said, she still had compassion for the citizens. Of course this didn’t warrant any major action, even so far as to blackmark her. I simply had to correct this small flaw with a minor treatment session. I explained to her that she needed to be corrected. She didn’t seem to understand what I meant so rather than waste time explaining in detail, I decided to show her. I quickly lifted her into the chair and strapped her in. 211 gave very minor resistance and a few exclamations as I did so, but that was to be expected. Then I began the treatment.
   I proceeded to set up the equipment, lowering the injection device and the brainwash helmet. When she saw the needle of the injector she got really agitated and struggled a bit. I grabbed her arm and revealed the inner part of her arm for the injection device and then removed her helmet. She looked at me with wide emerald eyes and her short brown hair fell down as it came off. I remember muttering something to myself but I was too distracted and can’t remember what it was. Anyways, as I started to make the final preparations for the machine she broke down and started pleading and reasoning. At first I ignored her words but soon she started talking about how she looked up to me since her days as recruit. She went on to continue about how she held me in such high esteem. I tried to ignore her pleas, never knew it could be so hard to do a simple brainwashing. I inserted the needle into her and placed the helmet on her. The machine started injecting her with the first serum and she started to get disoriented and her pleas got more and more desperate until she finally cried out about how I had betrayed her trust, then shuddered and fell into the half-conscious state. The normal brainwashing process followed as normal from there with the video and all, but most of it was as much a blur to me as it was to her.
   The treatment ended and she fell unconscious as I released her from the restraints and the interrogation gear. As she slumped forward a lock of her hair feel in front of her face. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I brushed it back into place for her, stroking her cheek slightly as I did so. I was confused…I’m still not sure what was going on and I just stared at her dumbly as she woke up. When she came into consciousness, she was shocked and a bit frightened, but I did my best to calm her. After I had reassured her that it had just been a fainting spell, I quickly left and went back into stasis early, too confused from the experience to continue duty.
   Since then I have spoken to her only a few times and it has always been a shaking experience. I still see her as the unit 211, but I also see the woman with emerald eyes who confided in me. I’m still trying to figure this out, but I made this log with another event in mind as well, so I will put this aside until it becomes clearer. A few days after this happened, I was eating my supplements and UNIFORM-OFC.713 approached. I greeted him like normal, but he seemed more urgent. He gave me a pouch and told me to give it to APEX-02.234. I tried to ask more but he simply told me to ask 234 about it. He also gave me a knife given to him by 435. The reminder of a comrade lost as I was losing another was almost too much. As we were talking, he was called to the MOC by the GRID DvL, 813. He told me to tell 234 that he would be missed, then he said his farewells to me, his final farewells. I didn’t know what to say, another companion of mine about to be taken from me and I could only mutter “Goodbye,” as he walked away towards the MOC. Only a few minutes later, 234 entered the room. I quickly told him to follow me and took him down to the spare room. I gave him the pouch and explained what happened. After I told him that, he explained to me about why 713 was in trouble, how he almost killed the acting UNION Officer a while ago. It was too much, I’ve lost so many comrades in so short a time. I didn’t stick around to talk more or even find out what was in the pouch, I walked off. I can’t look weak in front of my units or my superiors, or even my oldest companion, 935. My only place to confide is here, talking to an unresponsive machine. I have to constantly be strong and never falter. The truth is, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up.

 

Saving…..
Saving……
File encrypting…...

LOCKED

[Lord Bravery]

// 882 has a shoulder to cry on

[Sexy Frog]

// /me claps.
Good show, ol' chap.