YOUR WELCOOOME MY DEAR CHILD.

You're eleven years old and white, what the hell are you talking about? Music industry? Has Nickelodeon given you a record deal?

User has been banned for this post - shit posting in the social discussion, this is not your first time ~ Crap-Head

I'm thinking thirty days tops.

Sucks. What'd you do?

I was caught in my neighbor's hedge vomiting. When the cops showed up they took me down and bound me to the fence. No doubt screaming creative obscenities in between Constitutional amendments. Honestly though, I don't remember any of it. First thing I remember was kicking the door to a small rubber room naked, loudly demanding thorazine.

After a night of boozing and debauchery I woke up at around ten in the morning and finished off what alcohol I had left. Contrary to what I personally believed this was a metric shit ton of brew. I think it was around noon that I decided to go for walk. After throwing on some jeans that (little did I know) smelled like cat piss and a Ron Jon Surfshop t-shirt I walked out the door into the free world barefoot.

I only made it around the corner before I saw a bunch of Chicano construction workers putting a roof together. For some fucked reason this really got me interested and fascinated. So I watched them in the front yard for a while and after a bit of that I walked into the backyard. I didn’t know the residents were home but they were and the man of the house (who was old and very evidently a democrat) stepped outside to ask me a few questions.

His first was, “Who the fuck are you?”, I had no idea what to say for a split second and it didn’t take more than another split second to come up with this ingenious answer, “I’m the representative.” I thought it was a good answer at the time.

“The representative?”

“Yes sir, the representative I represent these workers I have to make sure they do a good job.”

I say, this doesn’t daunt his apparent distaste for my current condition which he makes clear, “Are you drunk?”

“YES SIR, however I am still the representative”.

He walks inside for a little while and I continue watching the workers and for a moment, I believe, that I am the representative. I go around, walk up the stairs, walk down the stairs and inspect them as they work. I speak in broken Spanish to them as they make mild mistakes. This lasts for twenty minutes and the man steps outside again with an even shittier look on his face.

“They told me they didn’t send a representative.”

“Well sir they must’ve got it wrong because I’m obviously the representative.” he got tired of this shit and followed me out of the backyard and finally raised his phone, he was trembling now. “If you don’t leave I’ll call the police.” this set me off into an absolute temper tantrum.

“Sir do you know what kind of fucking economy we’re in?” he had no answer, for about five minutes I screamed and whined about the economy like Glenn Beck (if he ever actually talked about anything else other than militant black people). This still didn’t move him, though he was trembling to the point that he couldn’t dial 911 correctly the first time. “You don’t even care do you? You don’t even care that a fellow citizen is down on his luck and can’t find work and he tries to work without pay you can’t stand it can you? I bet you’re a democrat, you voted for Bill White didn’t you?” He was finally on the line with the police, I was polite enough to let him make the call without interrupting him. As soon as he was off the phone he told me this, “No I don’t give a shit about you, you know while you’re here you could be working but you’re too young, stupid and drunk to know the difference between this and what you should be doing.”

“Evidently I do sir because I attempted to work for the fucking shits and giggles of it but you couldn’t let me do that. Do you not care about the state this nation’s in?” he looked at me, “No I don’t give shit about you.” and as he looked at me bravely for the first time, I got directly in his face and made eye contact, “Really? You should read the fucking constitution or move the hell out of this country, you god damn communist.”

At this point I almost found all of this funny enough to break character, and right then, at our finest moment, the climax of the exchange; the cops showed up. They were fifteen minutes late. The first thought that popped in my head, “Run.”, whatever old man in my mind that suggested should be fired.

I took off and busted through the gate, ran to a fence and hopped it. I continued running until I stopped and realized these people know who I am, they’ve arrested me before, why the fuck even bother running? So I got some shade and sat down waiting for them. Then this big ol’ lady comes running through the neighbor’s gate waving a Glock at me telling me to stay down. I wave my hands in the air screaming “How much more down can I get I’m fucking sitting in the shade.” at that very moment the same asshole that arrested me at school a few months earlier tackled me from behind and put the cuffs on me, lifting me up by them I got my footing.

She took me to the car and I started screaming at her, asking her to shoot me. Let’s all be aware that at the time, I was very, very inebriated and therefore wasn’t thinking properly. After telling me to calm down and all that shit the entire way to El Lago Police Department she got me out of the car and I was very compliant.

For the next hour of them doing paperwork and asking me questions I asked them some questions about the constitution and the law. For those of you who don’t know, that’s a great way to piss cops off being that it’s very condescending.

Anyways they took me to Harris County and I enjoyed the shrink-wrapped bologna sandwiches and oatmeal cream pies for the next thirty-eight hours until I was bailed out by my parents. When I left I was wearing someone else’s shirt because they wouldn’t let him go to the other jail to talk to his wife unless his shirt had sleeves. I was also wearing some gigantic flip flops that a crackhead left behind.

Flipper.

waht are you wearing

details

The best way to stop being a Beta is to completely take a douchebag off guard. You can do this simply by socking him in the face as he's in the process of saying shit that you do not tolerate. Do this outside of the school if you're within and when someone asks if you did it, say you didn't and that they should shove their liberal "tell a teacher" pussy logic up their asses and blow it out their dicks explosively.

• Shit on car
• Bullshit them with things they cannot muster the intelligence or capacity to understand, following their two to three second pause call them a dumbass and walk away
• If you know something hurtful about them, employ it, also most dudes who are jockish and call you gay are in the closet. Accuse them of wearing their mother's underwear, you'll be surprised how many faces will go stoney after their secret is revealed
• If it's a girl, call her a fat cunt, a loud-mouthed sea donkey, a bug-eyed shedevil or altogether a worthless cumdumpster. These elicit tears.
• Your concern for the feelings of others must be shredded during your highschool years, you must be remembered as the craziest motherfucker in school or you will be forever doomed to Betadom, video games and chronic masturbation to pornography genres which will soon start ranging from the regular and possibly lead you to traps, hentai and other things simply to quell your boredom of regular pornography.

Feelings and concern for what others think are two things that will only hold you back in highschool. All of those piece of shit faggot children are going to live out their four years of social tyranny and judgment and realize "Oh fuck I'm an adult now" and they will either be

A) Going to college by parental demand and guidance
B) Going to work a shitty job
or, the most delicious
C) Living free of society at the Renaissance Faire

“Alright so there’s this Chinese guy right?” Thad said looking over across the cup holders and hand brake of the nearly destroyed van.

Kyle, smiling returns his gaze, “Right”

“And he walks into this bar and a porch monkey is bartending, so as amused by this black man’s business as we would be the Chinese man walks up there and is all like ‘Hey nigger, get me a drink’.

“Now obviously, the nigger is offended and he expresses this by replying ‘Hey man, fuck you, what if I walked into your bar and said that to you?’ the Chinese man replies ‘I don’t know, lets find out’ so they switch places and the Chinese guy is bartending while the nigger wants a drink. The nigger walks up to the bar and says ‘Hey chink, get me a drink’ and the chink says ‘I’m sorry, we don’t serve niggers here’.”

Kyle started cracking up, being Chinese the joke tickled his tummy possibly more than it would have a white man’s. In the slums, there was only the occasional, irreparably retarded Civil Protection officer walking around otherwise they came in packs of threes and fours. One of the irreparably retarded CPs walked by the van, saw them sitting there and begged to question their seating arrangement.

“Citizens, what are you doing in this vehicle?”

Thaddeus, amused, looked over sliding his right hand down between the car seat and the console, “We’re going to get my grandmother from the nursing home, they’ve been beating her ruthlessly with barbed, tobasco-laden dildos.”

“What did you just say?”

“Cheese.”

“Cheese?”, Thaddeus squinted hard, spat with his lips together amused as could be, pulling a USP from between the console and the car seat, drawing the gun on the CP while he attempted desperately to draw his stunstick or anything that would help him. It was too late, as he touched his pistol Thad’s pistol barked four loud, short blasts and on his back he fell to accumulate blood and artificial fluids.

“Oh man. Did you see that? He actually said it.”

Kyle was in a state of panic, trying desperately to open the jammed door but he knew that it wouldn’t open because he climbed in through the driver door, allowing Thaddeus to sit there while he opted for the passenger seat. He wanted to escape what would probably be a terrible situation. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“YOU JUST SHOT A FUCKING OFFICER, DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED WE ARE IF WE GET CAUGHT!?”

“RELAX! Jesus Henry Christ, come on man, I never get caught.”

“You just got out of jail.”

“For pissing in public! Who gives a fuck?”

As Kyle started to climb out the window, Thaddeus’ smile disappeared and an expression of disappointment and ire swept his face. He lifted his legs from the gas and brake and started to kick him in the ass as he attempted desperately to escape as he shouted “Well get the fuck out then you chink pussyfooting bastard.”

Kyle was replying with some “Fuck yous” and “Fuck offs” and then the Judgment Waiver sounded off and broke some eardrums. Kyle was essentially pissing himself when he heard the sound. “OH MY FUCKING GOD THEY KNOW WHERE WE ARE, THEY’RE GONNA FUCKING KILL US!”

Thad, disappointed in the silliness and general pussyfootery of his new companion saw that his new companion was no longer worth keeping as a companion and if he was to die, Thad figured it’d be best if he did it himself because if the Civil Protection saw how much of a pitiful little yellow prick he was they’d torture him until fecal matter fell from his ass. So Thad, being the gentleman he was raised his pistol and fired a good shot into the head of his former companion. Looking down, sighing for his disappearance he heard the CPs heading his way. Leaving the van and jumping on a bicycle that lacked tires he wobbled to a start and started pushing as hard as he could down on the petals and with a few seconds passage the gunfire started as did he singing.

“HE’S GOING THE DISTANCE, HE’S GOING FOR SPEED, SHE’S ALL ALONE

“ALL ALONE”

“ALL ALONE IN HER TIME OF NEED; AND HES FIGHTING, BITING AND RIDING ON HIS HORSE MOTHERFUCKERS, THIS IS MY STEED!”

As he started to bob his head to wailing, awful sound of his own singing he did his best to ride in a straight line knowing if he were to turn he’d eat it. Turning a corner and taking a round through the earlobe he screamed. “FOR SPEE— AGHHGHHHHH FUCK YOU GOD DAMM—” and hitting the ground he was quiet for a moment before getting up and sprinting like a Kenyan trying to catch a genie that would make him white. Panting, huffing and breathing hard he jumped, gripped and pulled himself into a dumpster and did his best to shut up with all the noise and heavy breathing and as he waited he faintly heard the stomping boots of the officers. The sound grew louder and they passed, all spare one. One smart CP.

“Keep going, I’m going to check this dumpster.”

He couldn’t rustle too much, but either way this guy was gonna peak in. So he did what any great man would do, he farted and screamed “NO MEANS NO!” while wildly firing his pistol in the direction of the face peaking in. One shot hit the metal faceplate of the CP and he wailed, screeched and tried desperately to gain his composure as he aimed and fired at the dumpster. After nine shots Thaddeus popped up and over shooting once again into the CPs chest as the other came running back. Pulling a lighter from his pocket he grabbed a garbage bag filled with paper, ripped it open and set fire to it. As the boots grew louder once again he threw it out in the direction opposite of which he came and jump out, running again from whence he came.

“OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK!” he shouted with enthusiasm and despair, turning a corner he again was struck by a pistol round in the lower lower left part of his torso and as he ran he felt blood pouring out and his cramp became something of otherworldly pain. Perturbed, angered and prepared to die he loaded his last magazine into his USP, turned and sprayed seven rounds into the quickly approaching opposition. Two of the three went down and the last one shouted, “I know who you are, citizen!”

“THEN YOU MUST KNOW THAT I AM ZEUS, MASTER OF THUNDER.” jumping from around the corner he met his pursuer face to face as he attempted to come around the corner to attack him. They bumped into each other, looked at each other for a moment before Thaddeus bull-tackled him through the abdomen, slamming the butt of his pistol into the neck piece of the CPs armor. The CP in response reached for his pistol that dropped upon being tackled, realizing this Thaddeus put the pistol to the chest of the CP and fired twice. Panting, allowing himself to drop and rest on the body of the fallen he realized someone was watching him. It was Kyle.

“YOU FUCKING SHOT MY SCALP HALF OFF YOU DIRTY PIECE OF —” and he fired again, killing Kyle, terrified.

“You must be Hercules. It’s too bad I had to kill my own son.”