Back story of Samuel Shiffer (not copying Sam Fisher)

[wag1]

I decided to post this here.


Samuel Shiffer grew up with parents of crime. It wasn't everyday he would come to a breakfast table with some sort of drug on his table. Life was tough, and not everyone cared for him. Sometimes his parents wouldn't have enough money for there own house and end up on the streets, eating anything they could find or salvage. Growing up he would witness multiple drug deals and scenarios. Learning from his parent he learned how to deal with pressure and quick decisions. Growing up in the ghetto, he had to attend elementry school. He would achieve flawless grades, surpassing every student in the class. Even though his remarkable grades would amaze teachers, his parents still found no interest in there own son. Every, he didn't exist. People didn't even bother to learn his name. No one cared, no one bothered. He didn't care either, the only thing he would really do during school is work, and during breaks was work. Finishing homework ahead of time, he would be chapters ahead of his fellow students some points in the years.
Half way through middle school, Sam's parents started to grow bigger in the drug buisness, although now, they we're getting careless. Sam could tell something bad would happen. You can't just run around the streets with $10,000 worth of cocaine in your trunk can you? Later on that year someone had ratted the family out. A swat raid had been issued on the house. With Sam in it. The Swat did not know a child was in the house, and they we're told they had to use lethal force, only because of the weapons they had stored in the house. Storming in through the house, shouting to get in sight of the swat or they would open fire, the swat had counted down to three. The shots we're fired and in a attempt to run, Sam's father pushed him into the swarm of bullets darting across the room. Just missing him the swat pulled him to safety while immobalizing the father and killing the mother. Sam never saw his parents since.
Because of these events, through middle school he would be pulled out of his classes and sent to see a therapist. Of course he was also transfered to a orphanage. Life was much better there. Although no one really ever noticed him, there was something he didn't feel that he felt with his parents, this was a good thing. Sam was still highest grade of all his classes. This talent for knowledge would never be put to use. Teachers suggested the math team, but he always declined. Everything his teachers offered him he would just decline. Sam's therapist became somewhat of a mentor. His mentor worried about him though, he thought the boy had a sad life, yet he didn't even care. 
By high school, he signed up for as many classes as he could, not caring, not even taking stress. He never really had to worry about this thing called "Social life". It was alien to him as he was to it. Although his life was not the greatest and very hard to cooperate with, he didn't know how to apply stress to himself. Again this thing was alien to him. He didn't really have to worry anymore because he didn't know what worrying was! Although being very quiet and helpful around the school, the teachers felt bad. They felt like he was acting like a slave to all the work he had done for them. He started getting honor role and other Acedemic rewards but it just didn't matter for him. Although most people who thought of Sam (the very little amount) knew him as a overly kind person, what they didn't know, nor himself, had a dark side unknown to everyone. By the last year in highschool, he started getting into fights, and he never lost one. Joining the sports teams, he thought of this as something to do after finishing all everything else he had to do. Again, he was gifted at something he never bothered to try at. Bringing his school teams to the top, no one still noticed him, and that was the way he liked it. He didn't like being seen or heard.
Once sam hit the age of 17 he left the orphanage for law school. He wanted to become a lawyer. He grew strong in his late teens, hoping to make the world a better place for everyone. In collage he grew stronger. His life was at it's best, high on life he would say. Everyone in the world he knew would agree that this infact was his muse, this meant a lot for him. In law school for three years he met with another person. This person became his brother he never had. Sam and his new found friend Moe, agreed once out of law school they would start a lawyer franchise. But a two years into law school Moe was killed in a gang drive-by. Sam swore he would change the world for Moe.
Out of law school he became a lawyer. Even though he promised Moe that he would change everyone, he felt to week. No franchise just himself. Life became more miserable for Sam. He felt life was like a routine now. One rich white man after the other blaming some criminal of something stupid. Or some company in debt he had to deal with. It wasn't the amazing life he wanted. He then went into depression and no longer a lawyer.
When the portal storms and the seven hour war actually occured, Samuel had no clue what was happening. And onslaught on Earth? Why? Who? What? Where? The streets we're empty, and everywhere was a ghost town until he had been transfered to City 18. Realizing the good this mysterious force known as the "Combine" had done for us, Sam thought that this is what he was going to do to keep the promise he had made for Moe. He knew that what the Combine we're doing was for the greated good of the entire world. All that had happened in his life, his parents, his job, Moe, this would be the chance to try and fix the world... Once and for all.

[Martinerrr]

Before I'll read this, change the name.
Samuel Shiffer.
And nickname to Sam, the nickname is what you tell your friends IC, not Samuel 'Sam' Shiffer.
If you put is Sam Shiffer, you cause a lot of confusion.
FakeNameGenerator - Age: 25-35

[wag1]

Took the advice thank you.

[Martinerrr]

Alright, I have read it nice story but it has huge gaps, gave it some edits and tips on how you should change it yourself.

Spoiler for Edits:

Samuel Shiffer grew up with parents of crime. It wasn't everyday he would come to a breakfast table with some sort of drug on his table. Life was tough, and not everyone cared for him. Sometimes his parents wouldn't have enough money for there own house and end up on the streets, eating anything they could find or salvage. Growing up he would witness multiple drug deals and scenarios. Learning from his parents he learned how to deal with pressure and quick decisions. Growing up in the ghetto, he had to attend elementary school. He would achieve flawless grades, surpassing every student in the class. Even though his remarkable grades would amaze teachers, his parents still found no interest in there own son. Every, he didn't exist.(Would that be ", he did not exist for his parents, and also his fellow students, "people didn't even bother to learn his name. No one cared, no one bothered. He didn't care either, the only thing he would really do during school is work, and during breaks was work. Finishing homework ahead of time, he would be chapters ahead of his fellow students some points in the years.

Half way through middle school, Sam's parents started to grow bigger in the drug buisness, although now, they we're getting careless. Samuel could tell that something bad would happen soon. You can't just run around the streets with $10,000 worth of cocaine in your trunk can you? Later on that year someone had ratted the family out. A swat raid had been issued on the house. With Samuel in it. The Swat did not know a child was in the house, and they we're told they had to use lethal force, only because of the weapons they had stored in the house. Storming in through the house, shouting to get in sight of the swat or they would open fire, the swat had counted down to three. The shots we're fired and in a attempt to run, Samuel's father pushed him into the swarm of bullets darting across the room. Just missing him the swat pulled him to safety while immobalizing the father and killing the mother.(Why has she been killed, give it details, anyways I'm enjoying this a lot.) Samuel has never seen or heard from his parents ever since.

Because of these events, that have happened to him, through middle school he would be pulled out of his classes and sent to see a therapist. Of course he was also transfered to a orphanage. Life was much better there. Although no one really ever noticed him, there was something he didn't feel that he felt with his parents, this was a good thing. Sam was still highest grade of all his classes. This talent for knowledge would never be put to use. Teachers suggested the math team, but he has always declined their offer. Everything his teachers offered him he would just decline.. Sam's therapist became somewhat of a mentor. His mentor(The therapist or his actual mentor) worried about him though, he thought the boy had a very sad life, yet the mentor didn't even care for him(That does not make sense, a therapist should feel sorry and pity, even a mentor should either keep it out or change it). 

By high school, he signed up for as many classes as he could, not caring, not even taking stress. He never really had to worry about this thing called "Social life". It was alien to him as he was to it. Although his life was not the greatest and very hard to cooperate with, he didn't know how to apply stress to himself. Again this thing was alien to him. He didn't really have to worry anymore because he didn't know what worrying was! Although being very quiet and helpful around the school, the teachers felt bad for Samuel. They felt like he was acting like a slave to all the work he had done for them. He started getting honor roles and other Acedemic rewards but it just didn't matter for him. Although most people who thought of Samuel, the very little amount that actually existed, knew him as a overly kind person, what they didn't know, nor himself, had a dark side unknown to everyone. By the last year in highschool, he started getting into fights, and he never lost one.(Never?) Joining the sports teams, he thought of this as something to do after finishing all everything else he had to do. Again, he was gifted at something he never bothered to try at. Bringing his school teams to almost the top, no one still noticed him, and that was the way he liked it. He didn't like being seen or heard. (Be very aware that if your character joins the CCA he would have to be noticed and heard a lot.)

Once sam hit the age of 17 years old, he left the orphanage for law school. He wanted to become a lawyer.(Lawyers are always noticed and heard.) He grew strong and big in his late teens, hoping to make the world a better place for everyone. His life was at it's best, high on life he would say. Everyone in the world he knew would agree that this infact was his muse, this meant a lot for him. In law school for three years he met with another person. This person became his brother he never had. Samuel and his new found friend Moe, agreed once out of law school they would start a lawyer franchise, together. But a two years into law school Moe was killed in a gang drive-by. Samuel swore he would change the world for Moe.

Out of law school he became a lawyer. Even though he promised Moe that he would change everyone, he felt to weak.(So at first he was a big steroid junkie and now he's feeling weak.. :/) No franchise just himself in a corporation. Life became more miserable for Samuel. He felt life was like a routine now. One rich white man after the other blaming some criminal of something stupid. Or some company in debt he had to deal with. It wasn't the amazing life he wanted. He then went into depression and no longer a lawyer.
When the portal storms and the seven hour war occured,(Portal Storms happened after the resonance cascade in 2004, 7 Hour War was in 2009) Samuel had no clue what was happening. An onslaught on Earth? Why? Who? What? Where? The streets were empty, and everywhere was a ghost town until he had been transfered to City 18.(How did he get transfered there, huge gap in your story) Realizing the good this mysterious force known as the "Combine" had done for us, Samuel thought that this is what he was going to do to keep the promise he had made for Moe. He knew that what the Combine were doing was for the greater good of the entire world. All that had happened in his life, his parents, his job, Moe, this would be the chance to try and fix the world... Once and for all.(Give more details about what happened when he had been transfered there, first day, second day, month later etc.)

Also notice because using paragraphs it looks bigger.