Author Topic: New Character Backstory *constructive criticism/suggestions*  (Read 1072 times)

Offline ‡NtN‡ ßill

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New Character Backstory *constructive criticism/suggestions*
« on: February 16, 2012, 10:23:44 PM »
Name:  Ian Kharlamov

Age:  36

Fatal Flaw/Defect: He possesses a soft spot for human suffering, and cannot work well/establish relationships with other people.

CID: CITIZENSHIP REVOKED

Physical Description: Has a scar running from the top of his forehead to his nose, Bullet graze wound, Manhack scar along his back.

Mental State: Has a strong feeling that things will get better, he feels that the end of Combine tyranny is near, and he possesses a strong resolve for the future.

Physical State:  Cannot use his right hand to the extent of simple motor skills, heavily beaten, strong muscles, he walks with a slight limp, forgetful due to frequent consumption of Combine Standard Issue Ration Kits.

Background: Ian Kharlamov was born in Kiev, Ukraine (City 14) and was from a young age an optimist. In his early life he did well in school, and he had a fairly simple social life. Then, in High School, he met the one person in his life he ever loved: A Polish woman named Marie Brandt. He and Marie did all the things a teenager in eastern Europe would do in the 70s, they visited the monument to Yaroslav the Wise, had picnics under the Kashtany trees, and sat with each other in the Grand Square. Times were happy for them. They got married. Then, it all fell apart… With the Black Mesa Incident drawing hundreds of Xenien flora and fauna, and Kiev’s natural position in Earth’s magnetic field forcing more and more portal storms into the area--and along with it, more Xenien wildlife--, the city erupted into chaos. Xen aliens were laying waste to the city, a superportal portal was breeding in front of the Kiev National Administrative Building, and the world military and peacekeeping forces were doing nothing about it. He and Marie tried to take shelter in the subway system, only to find that is was infested with Xen creatures such as Antlions, Vortigaunts, and Headcrabs—and wherever there are Headcrabs… there are Zombies not far behind—and, in a quick run of haste, they dashed out of the subway tunnels and found shelter in an abandoned bank… **Skipping to after the 7 Hour War** Ian Kharlamov received the transfer notice at 0200 hours… the same day of that fateful Civil Protection raid…  He was packing his suitcases when he heard the sound of the door being kicked in, and his wife was readying the flat for the next occupant. As the door flew open the CPs (Civil Protection Officers) yelled “Citizen: Your wife is convicted of Level 1 offences.” And to Marie: “Anti-Citizen: Prepare to receive civil judgment.” And with that, they began to draw their weapons and flick on their stunsticks… and in a single flash, his wife—all he had ever hoped for or loved—was gone…  The CP told him that if he didn’t move out, he would be next. As he left the room crying and with a broken heart, he swore that he would have vengeance. Ian went to the station with what belongings he had, and he left for City 45…
----TO BE CONTINUED----

Strengths – Skills/Traits: He possesses a high capacity for logic, and he can asses situations well.

Weaknesses: He does not react well or think straight under stress, and cannot work well with others.

Advanced Details: N/A

Research Notes: Given the setting, he has most likely come from a poor family emerging from the ashes of WWII.

Research References: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiev#Attractions_in_Kiev, http://combineoverwiki.net/wiki/Citizen

Accent: Cyrillic accent, with a slight hint of German.

Mannerisms: He tends to stick to himself, and is mildly antisocial.

Character Log: N/A

Thanks to Statua for the template and awesome guide!
« Last Edit: February 17, 2012, 04:36:11 PM by EliteOps12 »
Mikhel Kharlamov | Alive | CWU Tier 3 |

Marcel Huber | Alive] | Living in City 45 |

Ian Kharlamov | Alive | Hiding from the CCA, after becoming AC#4 |

Dr. Cole Matthews | Alive | Administrating C45 |

Offline Statua

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Re: New Character Backstory *constructive criticism/suggestions*
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2012, 12:42:21 PM »
Conflict in the strengths/weaknesses. You said he can assess situations quckly but cant think straight or react quickly. Might want to revise.


Offline ‡NtN‡ ßill

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Re: New Character Backstory *constructive criticism/suggestions*
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2012, 02:48:50 PM »
EDIT: Modified strengths/weaknesses so they don't contradict each other.
Mikhel Kharlamov | Alive | CWU Tier 3 |

Marcel Huber | Alive] | Living in City 45 |

Ian Kharlamov | Alive | Hiding from the CCA, after becoming AC#4 |

Dr. Cole Matthews | Alive | Administrating C45 |

Offline Statua

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Re: New Character Backstory *constructive criticism/suggestions*
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2012, 04:51:58 PM »
Looks good though i havent read the backstory yet.


 

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