Game Reviews >>>PLANETSIDE 2<<<

[Pielolz]

I am hardpressed for money this year, so if you want to donate a game for me to review, it would be much appreciated.Max Payne 3 is one I hope for/i]


HALO 4 11/18/12


The progression of the Halo series has mainly been about adding to a great formula, in Halo 2 it was new weapons, sweeping exotic locations and titanic boss fights. In halo 3, it was bombastic boss fights, an exciting campaign, new weapons and better graphics. In Halo ODST, it was about exploring the world through the eyes of a normal human with new abilities, weapons and a complex story. Also, the addition of Fire Fight. In Halo 4, by contrast, they severely limit the number of new human weapons in favor of some utterly pointless and gimmicky For Runner weapons. Which are all massively over powered. Only one or two new weapons is introduced to the covenant, and for the poor UNSC, they get some new weapons but it wasn't worth deleting the massively fun grenade launcher. The new sticky detonator and SAW, the former is crap and the latter is over powered.

As for vehicles, the covenant get even less. The revanet is deleted in favor of nothing new. The banshee got a speed boost, but the grace and agility of the rolls and flips has been drastically reduced. Which makes it difficult to perform such maneuvers, without risk of slamming into something. The UNSC has nothing new, and in fact no flying vehicles. Yes, we have been made spoiled by the Hornet and Falcon, which have kindly been replaced with a walker vehicle, which in close combat; and let's be fair about this, is shit. You get a slow kick... Thing but it takes so long to recharge that the enemy have already jacked you, sent you to hell, and is now teabagging your corpse.

343's philosophy seems to be "Let's reskin a few things, change a couple sounds and make the armor look like an hyper active autistic child made it, then knock off for lunch." The weapons are practically the same, with few differences. However the shotgun sounds like God slamming his car door and is powerful enough to send a 1000 pound 8'0 spartan flying across a room. Other then that, some vehicles have new skins, the lobby system is confusing and intuitive.

The campaign is a MASSIVE waste of time, it's short as fuck, and let me tell you, when I'm around, fucks are legendarily short. Barely 5 hours in all. And the final boss fight was with some vampire dude, and your entire contribution to the boss fight is to watch a cut scene then do some quick times events. I was waiting for the cut scene to end, and to kick his ass in a bombastic fight like every previous Halo game, but he cutscene didn't end and he got pushed into a gypsy vortex thing. Did I just win the boss fight? Yay me! oh, but lest us forget that Cortana is the one that actually kills the final boss. She makes 6 clones of herself and jumps onto him long enough for you to jam a bomb in his chest, in a cutscene of course.

The game play was linear and padded, and I couldn't go 20 minutes without tripping over another damned CUTSCENE.

In summary, Halo 4 is the worst of the series and I would sooner recommend jerking off with sand paper.










WARHAMMER 40,000: SPACE MARINE 11/19/12


When I was notified of the release of a game about Space Marines I was elated. 'Oh goody,' I thought, picking up the box 'Time to purge xenos in a world deprived of this terrible realism and gritty graphics.' After I rushed home to play it, about 20 hours later I beat it. A few questions leaped to mind 'Why was Chaos pulled from a sweaty ass, why is a space marine captain taking on an entire invasion by himself, why is this just the same enemies copy and pasted throughout?' The developers missed golden opportunities for titanic boss fights with enemy Super Heavies, or indeed fight other alien races than the most generic ones. Yes, the canon of this game does get on my plums. But it's still a fun game, I found myself becoming entertained in the gunfights and beating the shit out of hapless Gretchen.  But that is undermined some what by the poor characterization, the poorly told story and the repetitive gameplay.

But we'll get on the characters later, for now, let's talk about the combat. The combat flows nicely from firing to hacking and slashing. The fights can get fairly tipped in the enemy's favor when they wheel out big armored lads that can take 50 shots to the face and refuse to FUCKING die. Then swarm you with the smaller fuckers until you cant even see your damn character amidst a sea of working class xenos.
In Warhammer canon, the bolter can blast orks apart with a single shot, thus Space Marines take accurate single fire shots. But in this game, you have to empty a good 4-5 shots before they go down. So you burn through ammo fast, and sense this game is linear to he point of being prohibitive, you are constantly running into more damned orks. But this is relieved some what by the AI being legendarily thick and tripping over ammo and life upgrades ever alternate step.


I said all I could on the combat, so let's take the piss out of the story before we close this, alright? The three main characters is Captain Titus, and two different generic Space Marines. Whom you see only about 3 times. On an unrelated note, WHEN THE FUCK DID A CAPTAIN DECIDE IT WAS A PEACHY IDEA TO TAKE ON AN ENTIRE ORK INVASION BY HIMSELF WITHOUT SUPPORT AND REINFORCEMENTS? WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS SHIT SLIDE? He didn't even have the FUCKING company champion with him, who's job is to protect the FUCKING captain wherever he FUCKING goes. Oh, I understand why you're alone, because your partner AI in any fire fight is as much use as hiding 5 snickers behind your toilet to get hot water. Titus has no personality, he responds to everything with a blank expression and monotone words.


In summary, Space Marine was a good idea that was poorly executed. With no more options to tackle a threat with "Charge, or stay in cover and shoot." It was still fun, but you kind of forget about it once it's done.



PLANETSIDE 2 11/22/12

I recently received a mail from a reader saying he would like me to review a game called 'Planetside 2'.
After downloading to see what all the fuss was about, I quickly found out that Planetside 2 is an MMO. Unlike most MMOs, there is no questing or RPG elements. Which has been replaced with face pass shooting.
Actually, that's a pretty fucking awesome change. But what sets Planetside 2 apart from other FPS's, or MMOs? Well, the game map is penis deflatingly huge and so are the teams. But it's too big. You can walk around for hours trying to find your team mates and where the fun is at.
And that frequently annoyed me while playing Planetside 2. I couldn't find the damn fun. but when I did find the DAMN fun, it was fucking awesome. There was this one time, me and about 30 team mates were pinned in a protracted fire fight, it was intense and fun.


Oh, you want a story? Well shut up, there isn't one! Actually, there are these snippy little back ground texts that over below the faction you want to select. Which is like the text scrolls in Doom.
So yea, there is a small frame work for the violence. Not much, but still a half assed excuse for one.
Now, I actually liked Planetside 2, it is one of the few games that's more organic then a brick in a tumble dryer.


I can't really knuckle down and talk about one topic in this review, it's because Planetside 2 is so insubstantial. The combat is standard class-based FPS. The territory conquering is a modified version of King of the Hill, with the world map owing something to Hex Empire.
The story is practically none existant, the graphics engine has a lot of blurry textures and cheap sprites. The upgrades are poorly balanced, with some weapons being an insta kill.
However, despite all this, I find Planetside 2 weirdly compelling. It does have some bugs, like one time my camera was fixed looking at the floor like it was being scolded by it's fucking mum.
I started playing this game at 7, and stopped at 1 in the fucking morning. So yes, it can drag you in and once it does it's immersive.
The endless tug of war between factions keeps you plaiyngas you're ferried from one intense battle to the next.

all in all, I enjoyed Planetside 2. And even when I was done reviewing it I keept playing, and that's fucking unpresidented.
So yes, I highly recommend Planetside 2. It might even be in my top 5 this year.

[Dallas]

While I disagree completely with your view on Halo 4 I did find the review enjoyable enough. The writing was fairly sharp and the jokes were flowing and joined- however I can definitely see the Zero Punctuation influence. In future, I advise perhaps moving away from the Zero Punctuation overtones and try to prove out your own style because I am sure you have your own style. Just my two cents on this, looking forward to reading more at a later date.

Also, *Forerunner

[swag master spiderman]

While I disagree completely with your view on Halo 4 I did find the review enjoyable enough. The writing was fairly sharp and the jokes were flowing and joined- however I can definitely see the Zero Punctuation influence. In future, I advise perhaps moving away from the Zero Punctuation overtones and try to prove out your own style because I am sure you have your own style. Just my two cents on this, looking forward to reading more at a later date.

Also, *Forerunner

This. Haven't really played halo 4 but the points seem good and I definitely formed a slightly new opinion based on what I've heard, quite convincing. The zero punctuation style, I can see why, but I don't think it fits text, but just my opinion. You should try going for your own style though, definitely.

[Keskjer]

Theres a few things that I agree with, but lets look at it this way.... humans and covies are more or less at peace... well, Humans and elites. All the profits are dead(as far as we know) and 4 years go by.... well, if your at peace... why would you manufacture new guns... if the guns you used now killed all the bad guys? bit puzzled why you didn't mention Reach, or did you? But to be honest, Halo needed a ending... like really badly... and this was a pretty good way just to end that stupid cliff hanger back in halo3, don't get me wrong it was a nice way to end Halo 3.... but.... still... hate cliff hangers.... But Halo4 answered the questions about the "forerunners" soory i know them by a different name...Vorläufer But.... I'm  just happy that 343 is taking it over... instead of Ubisoft or any other company... 343 had a good part in Reach and that game turned out better(my opinion) than what I thought it would. All in all, if/when 343 makes another halo game, I will be playing it like 100ths of thousands.

[cookiesofamerica]

Can you review planetside 2 please?

[LG-IM.Swagger]

HALO 4 11/18/12


The progression of the Halo series has mainly been about adding to a great formula, in Halo 2 it was new weapons, sweeping exotic locations and titanic boss fights. In halo 3, it was bombastic boss fights, an exciting campaign, new weapons and better graphics. In Halo ODST, it was about exploring the world through the eyes of a normal human with new abilities, weapons and a complex story. Also, the addition of Fire Fight. In Halo 4, by contrast, they severely limit the number of new human weapons in favor of some utterly pointless and gimmicky For Runner weapons. Which are all massively over powered. Only one or two new weapons is introduced to the covenant, and for the poor UNSC, they get some new weapons but it wasn't worth deleting the massively fun grenade launcher. The new sticky detonator and SAW, the former is crap and the latter is over powered.

As for vehicles, the covenant get even less. The revanet is deleted in favor of nothing new. The banshee got a speed boost, but the grace and agility of the rolls and flips has been drastically reduced. Which makes it difficult to perform such maneuvers, without risk of slamming into something. The UNSC has nothing new, and in fact no flying vehicles. Yes, we have been made spoiled by the Hornet and Falcon, which have kindly been replaced with a walker vehicle, which in close combat; and let's be fair about this, is shit. You get a slow kick... Thing but it takes so long to recharge that the enemy have already jacked you, sent you to hell, and is now teabagging your corpse.

343's philosophy seems to be "Let's reskin a few things, change a couple sounds and make the armor look like an hyper active autistic child made it, then knock off for lunch." The weapons are practically the same, with few differences. However the shotgun sounds like God slamming his car door and is powerful enough to send a 1000 pound 8'0 spartan flying across a room. Other then that, some vehicles have new skins, the lobby system is confusing and intuitive.

The campaign is a MASSIVE waste of time, it's short as fuck, and let me tell you, when I'm around, fucks are legendarily short. Barely 5 hours in all. And the final boss fight was with some vampire dude, and your entire contribution to the boss fight is to watch a cut scene then do some quick times events. I was waiting for the cut scene to end, and to kick his ass in a bombastic fight like every previous Halo game, but he cutscene didn't end and he got pushed into a gypsy vortex thing. Did I just win the boss fight? Yay me! oh, but lest us forget that Cortana is the one that actually kills the final boss. She makes 6 clones of herself and jumps onto him long enough for you to jam a bomb in his chest, in a cutscene of course.

The game play was linear and padded, and I couldn't go 20 minutes without tripping over another damned CUTSCENE.

In summary, Halo 4 is the worst of the series and I would sooner recommend jerking off with sand paper.

Like every other Halo, what's the difference?

[Darkshifter98]

I found the review to be funny, and although I do agree with some of the points, such as some things missing like the Plasma Rifle or a UNSC flying vehicle, and the armor wasn't as great as Halo: Reach's, I still do believe Halo 4 is a pretty good Halo, not the best, but good, just needs a few improvements IMO.

Also, small side-note, the vampire-dude is the Didect, whom appears in Halo: Cryptum and Halo: Primodinal.

* Darkshifter98 stuffs nerd back inside self.

[Pielolz]

why thank you all for reading, because I measure my traffic numbers as my worth as a human being. Monday will be my DayZ review, and on Wednesday I will publish a review on Empire Total War.

[LG-IM.Swagger]

the graphics engine has a lot of blurry textures and cheap sprites. The upgrades are poorly balanced, with some weapons being an insta kill.

1. Graphics can be changed to look a lot better in the ini files.
2. Upgrades are very well balanced. This is to allow for a steady but not obvious grind, it allows you to get developed with your character, making you think of what to upgrade next, 1000 Certs for weapons and pricey certification upgrades are what makes it better IMO.
3. Welcome to a tougher game, weapons are not 'insta-kill' the players are just better than you.

[Lone Wanderer <??"?]

Has Planetside2 even been fully released yet? I thought it was still in a public beta if that's a good way to put things.

[cookiesofamerica]

Has Planetside2 even been fully released yet? I thought it was still in a public beta if that's a good way to put things.

It's fully released, the game though will always be adding new content and fixing new bugs.