Alright guys.
Some of you might have noticed, how not long ago I simple 'vanished' from the administrator team and the servers.
The answer is simple; I couldn't stand "Catalyst gaming."
At least, that was what my brain told me, but that wasn't the exact reason. The reason I left, was because of one big lie, which I couldn't stand anylonger.
In these last two years I've been in CG, everyone have known me as "Lola the CG girl". A few now knows the truth about who I am.
I couldn't stand that lie anymore so I decided to quit and get out as it have caused me more problems than I could of imagined.
The truth is, I'm a simple boy, simple minded and whatnot. No, I'm not gay if you're believing that.
(http://sphotos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/166017_4110785132344_498594276_n.jpg)
That is the real me. My name is Kenni and I'm 16 years old. Big surprise.
One of the big questions I know is coming, would probably be;
"Why did you lie about being a girl?"
Well, in the stat it actually started out for fun. It wasn't meant to be a long standing lie, which it ended up with. In the start, where I wasn't that known to CG, some people asked about my gender when they saw my female unit walk around. Just to have fun, I said I was a girl. Before I even knew, this lie had spread all over the HL2RP community and I was now known as a girl.
At that time being, I would have told the truth about myself so get out of it again, if not what happened a bit later.
Kronic confronted me and asked if I'd like admin. Eager to get the chance to help people on the server, I said yes but were too afraid to say I was a boy, believing I could loose the position once more.
Due to being afraid and ashamed I couldn't stand telling the lie to anyone after that so I kept the lie going till the moment I quitted.
I admit, a few knew about the truth about me, before I left CG. I wont say their names, but if they feel like it they can tell it themselfs.
CG have given me a hard times, sometimes but who doesn't? A few months before I left CG I broke down. I couldn't stand the lie anymore so I talked to one of the very few persons who I trusted the most. I told him the lie, told him I was going to quit and get out, yet he convinced me to stay. So I stayed a few months more, before I once more broke down and quitted CG without warning.
I convinced myself about, the CG community wasn't my place anymore. I told myself, I couldn't stand all the drama, yet that wasn't the truth. Now, after finally telling the truth, I feel a bit better yet it doesn't cover up my actions the past 2 years.
If I'm not wrong, it wouldn't surprise me if someone is going to flame / rage / get mad at me for this lie, which I honestly doesn't care about.
I might not be trusted that much anymore, which I do understand and I fully support if anyone doesn't.
Yet, I've tried to continue my life outside CG, playing a few games here and there. It was horrible boring and I miss the times I've had on CG, which have made me return and tell the truth. I'll start playing again on the servers, possible as my 'dangerous enviroment' characters on HL2RP, seeing my CCA units have been banned.
If anyone do have any questions, I'll gladly answer to all of them, either over PM or steam. As long as it isn't flame, rage, troll or spam.
That would be all from me and I'll just stay in the back from now on.