Serious 30-35 words storytell

[???Jesusfreak???]

It is very simple
No kind of sexual written here, it it were I had posted it in spam.
30-35 words so we don't make a "lul let us make some spamposts"
When he get or lose an item notify it. or person he knows.

Stuff John has:

Get well flowers and card

People John knows:

Ex-girlfriend

I begin

It was a faithful night, John on 20 years were cleaning his great grandmothers basement after she passed out two days ago. He found a chest with an rusty lock, but were was the key?

[Teitoku Ippan]

He walks up the stairs, entering his inbred brother's bedroom and rummaging through the stacks of octopus porn magazines under his bed, looking for a key.

[Khub]

He walks up the stairs, entering his inbred brother's bedroom and rummaging through the stacks of octopus porn magazines under his bed, looking for a key.

It is very simple
No kind of sexual written here, it it were I had posted it in spam.
30-35 words so we don't make a "lul let us make some spamposts"

I begin

It was a faithful night, John on 20 years were cleaning his great grandmothers basement after she passed out two days ago. He found a chest with an rusty lock, but were was the key?

[Teitoku Ippan]

fine since mad i will repost my paragraph

He walks up the stairs, entering his inbred brother's bedroom and rummaging through the stacks of muslim terrorist magazines under his bed, looking for a key.

[Lewis]

John finds the key underneath the replica suicide belt. He then proceeds downstairs to open the chest, but finds himself incapable of doing this because he is an idiot.

[Teitoku Ippan]

Suddenly John remembers many of his dates, he licks his fingers and fingers the keyhole a bit, and inserts the key afterwards.

[kronik]

He unlocks the chest and finds something he would have never imagined seeing. Something so dark and sick that he got lost staring at it for quite sometime. It was-

[Teitoku Ippan]

-his late ex-girlfriend's fire damaged doll with a photo of John and her smiling. John puts them close to his chest, tears from his eyes.

[Lone Wanderer <??"?]

Suddenly, a group of thugs bursted through the doorway, armed with guns and smoking multiple blunts at a time. The leader stepped forward, saying, "John, join us. Join the THUG RIDERS."

[Nicknero]

John quickly put the doll back in the chest not knowing what to expect from the noise coming from upstairs. John is scared and starts to look for something in his basement. After searching for a while, he finds-

[Mr.Qman]

-His old toy lightsaber, some nails, and duct tape. He stands and stares at it for while, not knowing what to think before walking towards it, seeing a realistic toy gun.

[Nicknero]

He hesitates for a little while, but finally takes the toy lightsaber, nails and duct tape and combines them to create a spiked bat. He takes both the lightsaber and toy gun and heads upstairs.

[???Jesusfreak???]

As he leaves the basement he takes a look afraid someone or something is inside the house, he aims his toy-gun at the end of the room, it was still dark outside.

*Item achieved - Deadly nailbat and toygun*

I will add some more rules, look up.

[Lewis]

John then realises he needs to perform human activities. He proceeds to excrete and consume food on the spot.

[Teitoku Ippan]

He uses his toy gun to wipe up his ass and then throws it out of an open window. He looks out of the open window as dark clouds form above and rain falls upon the countryside.