Help

[Remilia Scarlet]

First of all, this is a serious topic, so please be serious in the replies.

As you may or may not know, I was discharged from the hospital a little over two weeks ago. I was in the hospital for suicidal thoughts, self harm, and severe depression. While I was in there, I promised that I would stop cutting, the problem with that is, is that it was my best (not necessarily good) coping skill to get me to stop feeling suicidal. I have kept that promise so far, but with each passing day I feel more and more depressed. As my depression increases, my suicidal thoughts increase as well.

A large portion of the depression I feel currently is easily remedied, but my parents stop me from doing so. My parents want to see more maturity in me before they allow me to start transitioning (transitioning, in the transgender world, is the process in which a person who is transgender starts to act and display themselves as the desired gender). The thing is, I have done all that they asked of me.

When I was in the hospital, they wrote a list of things I can do to show more maturity. We made a deal that if I would do the things they asked, they would allow me to transition. Even though I have done everything they asked, they show no signs of upholding their end of the deal (when I say this, I mean that they continue to try and side track me when I bring it up), which not only makes me really depressed, it pisses me off. I may be gaining their trust, but they are losing mine.

Due to my depression worsening, and the fact that I am no longer cutting, I have been looking for more coping skills. I rediscovered one of my older coping skills that I had stopped when I started cutting. I will not mention what it is here due to the fact that it is not seen in a good light (at least it is not harmful to myself, unlike cutting). The only problem with this at the moment is that it can be quite costly, and I currently don't have a job because my mom won't let me, which means I can't do it.

When all of this comes into play, I really just feel like in the end it would be much better if I were to kill myself. Why should I suffer through  all this shit when there is an easy solution? A solution that is always just around the corner. A solution that I have seen with my own eyes. And after all, we all die anyways, so what is the point in prolonging my pain?

[Nicknero]

Suicide is never a solution. Don't even call it a solution. It brings even more harm and trouble than most people realize.
What do you think how your friends and family would react and live on when you choose to suicide? You won't 'solute' your pain and depression. You would only give it out to your friends and family and let them live with pain, suffer and depression of losing a loved one.

Whenever you feel lonely, or depressed, go find some friends. Or at least people you enjoy being around with. And go seek their support.
I'm sure there must be SOMEONE out there in the world other than your parents that you can rely on. And even if not, your parents are still your parents. Even if it doesn't seem like it, they always mean the best for you. Two people in this world of billions of people who care about you, no matter what the situation.

Just give yourself the confidence to live on. KNOW that whatever shit you are currently in, won't be permanent. Your life WILL get better eventually. Even though it may seem so far away.
We, as in the internet can't really help you any further with your life other than trying to give you confidence in yourself. So I can only repeat myself into telling you that you should seek support from ANYONE at all.

I wish you good luck with whatever you will try. But promise us one thing: Don't suicide, please? You won't only harm yourself with it. You will harm everyone around you.

[Greenman]

I can only echo the statements made my Nicknero. Suicide doesn't end the pain, it just passes it on. Loved ones, friends and family. Solution? Definitely not.

And yes, it isn't permanent. Things will happen and change, you will get through it. Parents really do just want the best for you, regardless of how it may seem.

Finally,

But promise us one thing: Don't suicide, please? You won't only harm yourself with it. You will harm everyone around you.

[rBST Cow]

There's a few healthy things you can do to help cope with depression. Talking with people always helps and exercising. There are not just physical effects when you exercise, there's also positive physiological effects. Go outside and just take a walk for a little bit, just around the neighborhood. Perhaps there's also medicene you could take to help with it? I've also heard then when you begin the transition because of the drugs you take, it's possible you'll become more depressed. Perhaps hold off on transitioning for now until you're more stable? At the end of the day I'm sure your parents have your well being in mind

[Constable Strelnikov]

I find retribution in my police work. It's been really therapeutic for me. When you're old enough, have you considered becoming a cop?

[Hazard Time]

I find retribution in my police work. It's been really therapeutic for me. When you're old enough, have you considered becoming a cop?

I always heard that being a cop is one of the most stressful jobs to take as well as having the highest rate of alcoholism in the entire market.  The most I say is to try and make sure you family understands what you're going through so that they can help you.  Depression isn't something a few pills and wishful thinking can fix, you need help from those you love.

[Constable Strelnikov]

I find retribution in my police work. It's been really therapeutic for me. When you're old enough, have you considered becoming a cop?

I always heard that being a cop is one of the most stressful jobs to take as well as having the highest rate of alcoholism in the entire market.  The most I say is to try and make sure you family understands what you're going through so that they can help you.  Depression isn't something a few pills and wishful thinking can fix, you need help from those you love.

Yeah, talk it through with a close friend or family member that isn't giving you bullshit.

As for having high alcoholism rates; I've never had a single drink after completing training. I've had enough liver destruction for one lifetime. I used to drink heavily, though.

[Remilia Scarlet]

I find retribution in my police work. It's been really therapeutic for me. When you're old enough, have you considered becoming a cop?

I always heard that being a cop is one of the most stressful jobs to take as well as having the highest rate of alcoholism in the entire market.  The most I say is to try and make sure you family understands what you're going through so that they can help you.  Depression isn't something a few pills and wishful thinking can fix, you need help from those you love.

Yeah, talk it through with a close friend or family member that isn't giving you bullshit.

As for having high alcoholism rates; I've never had a single drink after completing training. I've had enough liver destruction for one lifetime. I used to drink heavily, though.

Thank you all for replying.

I see what you are saying Strelnikov. I should move to Canada and become a cop in the city you work in.